Tag Archives: depression

Gone

23 Jul

 

Sometimes I feel like things would be better if I was gone.

Just end things and make it easier for everyone.

But I’m too afraid.

Too scared to die and to weak to live,
So what do I do with myself as I continue to exist?

I feel so useless sometimes,
A disappointment to everyone; even my own mind.

I know what I need to do,
I know that I have many things to do better,
I know I have potential;
But sometimes I really wish that I see it clearer.

Maybe if its over they’ll all be happier.
Everyone will be sad for a while but life goes on and they’ll grow older,
Minus a burden that is me. Maybe…maybe I should disappear.

It hurts to think and it hurts to feel
It hurts to hear myself scolding me
I feel so useless, I feel like a wimp,
That’s wasting her life and their money
I dont know whats real.

More. More. More than before.

More than I know.

Dear God, its me.
Unworthy, useless, sad little me.
Help. Please hear my plea.
Help me not give up on me.
Show me how to set myself free.
Of the chains in my mind
Like a strong, grounded tree.
Help me not be a disappointment
Help me make a difference
Help me find my purpose
Help me spread kindness and understanding to others.
Give me the strength to deal with this pain
Stop me from going insane

V

 

 

Jump

29 Jan

I stood there today.

On the balcony, the wind blowing in my face.

And I thought about it.

What if I jumped?

I didn’t want to. Wasn’t going to. 

I just thought about it.

 

I thought about what the view would be like as I fell.

I thought about the wind in my head.

Would it be painful? Would it be quick?

Would it be loud? I suppose it would be.

What would the reaction of the person who found me be?

 

Then I thought about my mother.

How her heart would be crushed if she came back,

and found me gone. If she looked down,

7 floors and saw me laying there on the metal roof,

Blood probably splattered everywhere.

Would I be gasping for air as my life slowly drifted away?

 

Would it be over then? Will there be silence?

Or would I be damning myself to hell.

An eternity of pain. For one moment of numbness.

What a thought. I know, it sounds scary.

The fact that I thought about it,

And the fact that I’m writing this scares me.

Am I depressed? What is this dark numbness?

 

But it was only a thought.

A drifting question, A silent notion,

Carried away with the wind as I stepped back into my hall.

I’m alright. It was only a thought.

A silent, scary thought that crossed my mind,

As I stood there today.

 

Thanks for reading,
– V